I am neither hot nor a rabbi, although my significant other is a blonde gentile. My wife, Kate, is a lapsed Catholic but arguably not quite as disconnected from Jesus at all as I am from Moses and the lads.
A few years ago, she was adamant we should get a Christmas tree. I was completely against it in the same way I have an instinctive aversion to pork – largely because it’s not something I grew up with. Kate politely pointed out we’d had part of our son’s penis chopped off because of my religion so we should probably call this 1-1. I haven’t kicked up a fuss in the years since.
This year, the first day of Chanukah coincides with Christmas Day, a convergence that would undoubtedly delight the creator of “Chrismukkah”, Seth Cohen of The O.C. fame. The actor tasked with playing that particular loveable, handsome Jew has now graduated to playing middle-aged loveable, handsome Jews and thus Adam Brody has been delighting audiences as the rabbi in Netflix’s Nobody Wants This.
The plot of the series is simply that he is devout, she’s not Jewish and their families are against the union. Think Romeo and Juliet if the Montague clan almost exclusively comprised a bunch of kvetching yentas.
I turned 40 in September and have never so much as dated a Jew, a move that was not deliberate much as Freud might argue otherwise. I recall elderly relatives suggesting “marrying out is letting the Nazis win” in my youth, suggesting an obsession with bloodline purity that, ironically, would not seem out of place coming from Hitler. There was also the more laughable, though no less grotesque, “shiksas are for having fun with”, a line that could be the unofficial tagline of Nobody Wants This.
These thoughts came to mind recently when I interviewed Jesse Eisenberg about his new film, A Real Pain and we bonded over our similar backgrounds. I told him my non-Jewish wife and very Jewish mum had loved the movie and he kept me behind after our allotted time together to ask what my family thought of my marrying out, explaining that there were seventeen thousand gentile women he’d have married but none of them were in New York while he was growing up.
Darren Richman
Clearly, like a relegation struggling team playing out a dull, goalless draw with a title contender, I had dragged this Hollywood star down to my level.
The first time I started going out with a non-Jew, I was indeed nervous about how my grandfather Zigi Shipper might react.
If an Auschwitz survivor felt I was “letting the Nazis win” then we might be in for a pretty difficult conversation. Instead, he asked me if I was happy.
When I told him I was, he explained that was the only thing that mattered.
Years later he would anoint Kate his favourite grandchild, a blow for those of us who’d been around for decades and who were his actual grandchildren. Still, confirmation, if it were needed, of Zigi’s impeccable taste. When our first son was born, he called me at the hospital and told me, between sobs, that I couldn’t imagine what it meant for a Holocaust survivor to have not just children, not just grandchildren but great-grandchildren. He didn’t sound like a man who thought his grandson had gifted the Nazis a late victory.
We got engaged in Rome since I felt that if one is planning on marrying a Catholic then the Pope might as well be in close proximity. I am a person who tends to go the whole hog even if that doesn’t extend to my aforementioned dietary requirements.
We spend Christmases in Brighton with my in-laws and what I have seen on the other side of the aisle would shock you. These alien beings are quiet and respectful at mealtimes. Family members don’t interact solely by mocking one another. They can be kind and considerate when appropriate. Honestly, it’s sickening.
Ultimately, Zigi’s question was the only one that mattered. I am not a rabbi and barely a believer unless I’m asking for help on a particularly turbulent flight or Manchester United are chasing a late winner. Religion never entered into it and the fundamental question was about happiness. I told my grandfather I was happy because I was and my children are even happier.
Of course they are, they get to do Chanukah and Christmas and therefore receive double the number of presents. That’s got to be worth at least a foreskin.
- Darren Richman is a freelance journalist.
