As Jewish families gather to mark Shabbat many singletons and couples will be preparing for a romantic meal to mark Valentine’s Day.
The origins of Valentine’s Day may be pagan, although since at least the eighth century the Catholic Church held a feast to recall the heroism of Christians persecuted under the Roman Empire. From the fourteenth century the focus of Valentine’s Day was romantic love.
The Hebrew for love – ahavah – is one of the first words taught to children in the context of the twice-daily recitation of the Shema which demands the Jew “loves God with all one’s heart, one’s soul and one’s might” (Deuteronomy 6:5) . In the human realm the commandment: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18 ) which is extended in the same chapter to the “stranger” is a comprehensive and universal rule of moral conduct.
St Valentine’s Day, however, is concerned with romantic and even erotic love, which is assumed to bind two individuals in a unique manner. This is not unknown in the Jewish tradition, expressed most overtly in the Song of Songs. Attributed to a youthful King Solomon (although probably redacted in the third century BCE), Song of Songs is read particularly at Passover. It is a series of poems which express the excited presence and the longing absence of a male and a female protagonist. Despite the absence of any theological references or mention of any historical events, some schools of Jewish thought have understood it as a metaphor of the relationship between God and the Jewish people.
Its eroticism, in the male voice, is not in doubt (4:1-3):
Ah, you are fair, my darling; Ah you are fair.
Your eyes are like doves behind your veil.
Your hair is like a flock of goats streaming down Mount Gilead.
Your teeth are like a flock of ewes climbing up from the washing pool;
All of them bear twins, and not one loses her young.
Your lips are like a crimson thread, your mouth is lovely.
The female participant reciprocates (5: 10 and 13-16):
My beloved is clear-skinned and ruddy…
His lips are like lilies; they drip flowing myrrh.
His hands are rods of gold, studded with beryl;
His belly a tablet of ivory, adorned with sapphires.
His legs are like marble pillars set in sockets of fine gold…
His mouth is delicious and all of him is delightful.
In its concluding chapter the author of Song of Songs affirms the romantic connection (8:6-7):
Let me be a seal upon your heart, like the seal upon your hand.
For love is fierce as death, passion is might as Sheol.
Its darts are darts of fire, a blazing flame.
Vast floods cannot quench love, nor rivers drown it.
In affirming erotic and romantic love as an important part of a healthy relationship, Judaism demands it be balanced with commitment and responsibility and underpinned by shared values.
It does so particularly because romance and love for a shallow reason can be hard to sustain. It is expressed best in Pirke Avot 5:16: if love depend on some material cause, and that material cause passes away the love vanishes too; but if it do not depend on some material cause, it will never pass away.
