Around his neck Eyal Golan wears a medallion engraved with a lotus flower and the words “In every smile of yours, there is a world of love”. He chose the flower and inscription to “sum up the essence of Shirel”, his little sister who took her own life on October 20 last year, on her 22nd birthday.
“Shirel was like was a beautiful flower, full of light, full of happiness, full of life. She was the youngest of five – the baby.” Eyal looks away. After hundreds of interviews with journalists globally he can deliver facts about his sister’s suicide, but more personal details about who she was and what she meant to him hurt deeply. “The connection between me and Shirel was strong. We were 14 years apart but only 10 days between birthdays.”
As one of the 4,000 people at the Nova Festival on October 7, Shirel it seemed was one of the ‘lucky’ ones. She had escaped the fate of the 364 who were murdered, and she was not one of the 44 who were abducted to Gaza – but she could have been. Shirel and boyfriend Adi were briefly in the car of murdered hero Ben Shimoni, 31, who made repeated journeys to rescue desperate strangers before being shot by Hamas.
Shirel with Remo Salman El-Hozayel the Bedouin police officer who rescued her on October 7
“My sister and Adi got out just before and were rescued by Remo Salman El-Hozayel, a Bedouin police officer who saved many,” says Eyal of another Israeli hero he now calls ‘brother.’ “But Shirel had been in Ben Shimoni’s car with Romi Gonen, who was taken hostage.”
This weighed heavily on the Golan family on January 20 when Romi was freed, alongside hostages Emily Damari and Doron Steinbrecher. Eyal understood the joy and relief for her family, but didn’t watch the news that day. “It was very difficult for me. For my heart. Shirel and Romi didn’t know each other, but there is a Hebrew song that says, ‘Two souls meet for one second and say goodbye forever.’ This song played in my head all that day.”
Romi Gonen reunites with her family at the Tel Hashomer Hospital in Ramat Gan,
The relief that Shirel had survived the Hamas attacks was, tragically, an illusion for her parents, as it masked the trauma that engulfed her after everything she witnessed. Eyal recognised her PTSD symptoms from those he experienced in 2021 after a missile landed 200 metres from his home.
“Shirel didn’t want to talk. She shut down, and I told her because I knew, that it would be disastrous if she didn’t deal with it. But she didn’t want to hear.”
After splitting from boyfriend Adi because of what they had been through, he was called for reservist duty, which sent Shirel into a panic as she didn’t want him to go. Though the couple would reunite, and her troubles eased after therapy with other Nova survivors at the Secret Forest in Cyprus, further problems surfaced.
From left:parents Meir and Yafa with Shirel next to her brother Eyal on his wedding day
The Golans are Libyan Jews whose grandparents founded the moshav Porat, near Netanya, in 1950. For parents Meir and Yafa who still live there Arabic is the first language, but they speak Hebrew, unlike Shirel’s paternal grandmother who, after October 7, never saw her granddaughter again.
“She couldn’t hear Arabic,” says Eyal, who is also fluent. “We grew up beside an Arab village, and they were our friends, but the language was unbearable for Shirel because of what it triggered.”
It was overhearing a discussion in Arabic between two medics when she was admitted to Lev Hasharon Hospital in Pardesiya that took the young woman who had big plans for her jewellery business, loved camping and the colour twilight red, to a critical juncture, which Eyal blames on the hospital.
“When she heard Arabic she was back in October 7,” he recalls. “She started shouting, ‘Terrorists. They are coming to get me. To kill me.’ And the security staff came to restrain her and then beat her.”
Eyal produces photos of the bruises on his sister’s arms and face. “From punches, fists, you name it. My mum saw her next morning and I wanted to go to the media. But Mum was scared because Shirel was still under the hospital’s care and she didn’t want her harmed more.”
Shirel with brother Eyal and his wife Mor
Eyal is still pursuing claims against the hospital, which has denied the allegations of abuse and told Israeli TV channel KAN that it “provides a therapeutic response to every patient who needs it, taking into account their medical, emotional, and mental condition, in accordance with the law”.
But Eyal, as a grieving brother, wants answers, as he and his family watched Shirel regress after she was released from hospital. They had to witness her decline after the social worker she relied on was called to the army, and thinking she had no one, Shirel took an overdose of lithium pills prescribed by the psychiatrist. That was on September 19 last year. Discovered in time by her mother, Shirel survived her first attempt to end her life.
In April 2024 the Israeli Health Ministry rejected claims that there had been 50 Nova survivor suicides, and checks confirmed that the rumours were untrue. But according to data published by the IDF, 28 soldiers are believed to have died by suicide since October 7 2023. On January 8, Asaf Ben David, the uncle of former Hamas hostage Mia Shem, also took his own life.
The Golan family had a plan to keep Shirel safe, involved, alive. “To try to lift her up,” says her devoted sibling. “Shirel lived in a unit behind my parent’s house and with my wife Mor, we went often or asked her to come to us. She had a special connection with my daughter, Gaia, who she loved very much, so insisted I didn’t visit without her. But as much as I tried to make her get more help she didn’t want to know.”
Shirel Golan took her own life on the day of her 22nd birthday
Eyal paints the darkest picture of this time. Of in his mind seeing Shirel standing on a cliff, waiting to jump, and the family unable to stop her. He takes out more photos – a shot of him sitting with Gaia in his parents’ garden, which includes a view of Shirel’s little house, and a palm tree and a metal post. There is no attempt to hide the hideous truth of what Shirel did on that Sunday in October when she said she was too tired to go with her parents to Jerusalem for Succot and would be waiting to enjoy her planned birthday party when they got home.
But Shirel wasn’t at home when Meir and Yafa returned. Instead of seeing their daughter they saw relatives who had been invited to the party and police officers. The Magen David Adom ambulance had already gone. “My mother saw me, and asked only one thing,” Eyal whispers. “Where is my baby daughter? And I couldn’t answer.”
The Israeli Health Ministry has officially confirmed only one suicide among Nova festival survivors, Shirel Golan. For the love of Shirel – her brother is on a campaign to save the other Nova survivors and the release of the hostages fuels his resolve.
“We have 4,000 Nova survivors who are ticking time bombs. But they won’t explode outwardly, they will implode towards their families and friends, causing incalculable harm and damage .” Eyal is certain that without proper mental health support, the October 7 attacks will create a broken generation “who will be unemployable and a burden on society”.
With the return of hostages who have endured more than a year of horror in captivity, Eyal’s predictions seem premature, even cruel as those hostages have not yet fully shared their stories. Because of his sister, Eyal fears some never will. “Shirel’s mental health treatment was equivalent to treating cancer with paracetamol,” he says.
Eyal received EMDR (eye movement desensitisation reprocessing) for his PTSD and wants the treatment to be more available. “It helps people to recover and no longer have a debilitating reaction when they think about the traumatic event.”
Israel has faced so much trauma since October 2023 and the toll, both physical and mental, on its people requires costly care. Eyal has visited the Knesset eight times to lobby members. “I told them to stop blaming each other and take action. They need to set up phone lines for every single survivor to assure them they are supported and to call if they need help.”
To take better care of them is Eyal’s message. “And not only them, as the whole country is suffering from trauma. Nothing will bring my sister back to my parents, to me, but I want to save the other 4,000 souls.”
In many ways Eyal has been preparing for the role of savior since 2005, when he supported his family after his first cousin was murdered at Netanya’s HaSharon Mall by a Palestinian suicide bomber. Eyal doesn’t say it but like too many Israeli families, his own has been beset by tragedy and because of Shirel, his parent’s home is now only a place to shower and sleep.
“Too much pain,” says Eyal. “But we have a phrase in Israel – If we don’t laugh, we will cry, and if we cry, we will die. That’s the motto, so we have to laugh as we don’t want to die.”
Eyal will always cry for Shirel, because he couldn’t save her. His love for her is pushing him to save others.
